Friday, January 30, 2015

mama's got the blues

These boys.
They are some of the bravest, kindest people I know. 
{they are also huge, but that's off topic…}
Sure, I'm biased…but that doesn't make it any less true.
They fill my days with lots of crazy, but even more love. I am beyond blessed to be their mother.
I wouldn't trade it for a thing. 

But these pictures break my heart a little, because I don't just see 4 beautiful boys. I also, see one boy is missing. And I don't know how to not see that. 
Every time we have a beautiful moment all together…it strikes me anew that one of us is not here. 
The sadness of that reality is always lingering. 
It's robbing me of joy. 

I've been diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder. 
Basically, I'm not adjusting to the new norm that is our life. 
The norm where one of our boys is living elsewhere. 
I feel guilt when I think about being ok with it all.
I feel guilt about many things in regards to the whole situation.
It's not healthy.
The time has come to move forward.

These boys…they are moving forward. 
Slowly, but surely. 
They miss and love their big brother but they have hope for him & there they find peace. 

I seem to have lost hope & gotten stuck in the sad. 
But it's time to change that.
It's time to move forward. 
I miss, me. . 

I am so grateful for the example of these courageous young men of mine. 
May I too find peace in hope.

Heb 6:19, "For we have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm & secure…"

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

back to us

If you follow along on Insta you saw I took the littles to Smith Playhouse the other day. 
It was so good.
So good to be up to our old tricks.
Sneaking off during the day sharing a spontaneous adventure. 
They rode bikes, built massive oversized lego towers, climbed through trains, munched on donuts, rode wooden horses, climbed oversized wooden staircases, and slept all the way home
It was a good day.
And it'd been to long since we'd ventured out together. 
Looking forward to more adventures with these 2 tater tots.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Last Minute'ish Disney Adventure {take 2}

So star wars may have been taken over the second day a bit, but can you blame us?! 
They got to have a light saber fight with Darth Vader!!!!

I will forever cherish this quick little getaway to the Magic Kingdom.
The magic was real for these two imagination experts.
And I can't wait to get them back there again. 
Sigh…why do they have to grow up. 

Day 2: MGM Studios
Of course.

Day 3: Safari plane ride
Imagination experts.