Monday, May 14, 2012

other mama

This Mother's Day and every Mother's Day I find myself thinking of, wondering about, & praying for a Mama I have never met...
This picture was taken their first week home with us. To stinkin' cute!
As you know, we adopted our oldest 2 boys through the foster care system. 
While I won't give you the details...knowing that it was a foster situation is enough to let you know, theirs is not a pretty story. 

They were 15 months & 3 years when they came home and they have been our boys ever since. 
But...it hasn't escaped me, that they are also someone else's boys. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They have another set of parents. 

A set of parents whose lives spun out of their control and resulted in the loss of their boys. A set of parents who are surely heart broken and hurting. A set of parents that love them.

I am a conflicted Mama. 

I feel anger towards these other parents: my boys were hurting; my boys are still hurting; my boys are grieving; my boys are conflicted; my boys feel undeserved shame; my boys feel "different"; they should have done better for my boys.

I am a conflicted Mama.

I feel love towards these other parents: my boys came from them; they love my boys; they are missing out on the joy of my boys; they don't know how much my boys still love them; they must be sad. 

I am a conflicted Mama.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have found that most everyone understands the anger but few can see the love. 
I am hear to tell you today, that the love is greater.
I know it doesn't make sense...but it's true. 
Perhaps, I am not foolish enough to think I am above making the same choices...falling victim to the same sins. 
But for the grace of God.

My heart breaks for these parents who have lost their boys. For these parents that {for whatever reason} were not able to get their lives together when it mattered most. THEY lost too. THEY will forever live with that unspeakable pain. THEY will look twice at all the 8 & 6 year old boys that they pass. THEY will spin around when they think they hear someone shout out their sons names. THEY will always be looking...

How can my heart not break for such pain?

I think of the other Mama often. 
But especially on Mother's Day. 
A day where I celebrate the blessing of my sons...a day where she mourns the loss of hers.

So, I will pray for her today...again...pray that she is well, that she find healing, that she find peace in knowing her boys are deeply loved, that she somehow know that her boys love her...that we love her. 

And then I will thank God for loving me & giving me such beautiful children...and I will ask him to show me how to love them best. 

16 comments:

  1. This is beautiful. I feel similarly regarding my boys adopted from foster care. I wish I had a warm and fuzzy story to tell my boys about their parents, but I don't. But I do know that their mother loved them, and although she made many poor choices, she chose to give them life. For this I will be forever grateful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your precious comment. Ours is a special journey...theirs is as well...

      Delete
  2. Tracey, this is really beautiful. You are giving your boys a very special gift by loving their other mother so much. You are teaching them how to love and forgive, for in forgiving they are set free. It is very hard and very brave of you. May God Bless both of them and your entire family.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you Kellie. God has already blessed us so much...I can't wait to see what he has planned for later :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Found your blog through the FB Philly Adoptive moms' page....
    I absolutely love what you wrote and how you wrote it. We are beginning the fostering journey and it is so good to be made aware of the wide range of emotions that will come about. I also appreciate how it seems that you make it clear that adoption is a very special part of your family, but it doesn't define who you are as a family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you!
      Fostering is so exciting and so so emotional...If you have ANY questions or just someone who "gets it" please don't hesitate to reach out. So many children in need of good families willing to help...thank you for being willing!

      Delete
  5. Love reading your blog. I can really relate to many things you say. Beautiful post.

    ReplyDelete
  6. In some instances, you have to thank God for the loss for the other parent when the other parent abused, neglected and tortured their ownly child JUST to get back at the other parent. I pray to God every day that I got sole legal custody of my son and will be able to share my love with my husband for my son for years to come. Happy Mother's Day!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I completely agree...which is where the anger comes from & why we too fought for custody. But for me, it's still sad...for my boys, because they love them regardless and for the other parents because their terrible choices hurt my boys & themselves...choices that can't be excused away, I know.

      Delete
  7. Wow. So beautiful and eloquent. Thank you for sharing such truth and vulnerability. Your boys are very blessed to have you, in your earnestness to live in such an understanding manner with them and their other momma. You are very blessed to have them and to have God's trust in you to raise them. Beautifully written.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi Tracey - caught this post thru a FB from the Gang's Mom (above)....thanks for "getting it"....Mother's Day's are always kind of bittersweet at our home, strange how our 3 littles still seem to "know" that the rest of the story is out there!

    Great work and beautifully written - thanks

    ReplyDelete
  9. well written and oh so true! thank you for sharing...I'm so glad other mamas feel this way too :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you :) It's nice to know we aren't alone.

      Delete

Thank you for the note!