Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Pursuing Joy. Choosing Hope.

Hello Friends. It has been to long.

If you follow me on Instagram, you know that we've been experiencing some tough things around here. And to be honest, blogging about the joy in our days just didn't feel right, when I've spent most of the last 2 weeks just trying to remember how to breathe.

But I'm here now. 
For Me.
For You.
For Moving Forward.

And now it's time to share.
{breathe in, breathe out}
 Our oldest son was recently admitted to an inpatient behavioral health program. He will be there for an indefinite amount of time.
We do not know when or if he will be able to return home. 
{breathe in breathe out}

We saw this coming. 
The writing was on the wall. 
But that has not made it any easier.
It is a nightmare.

{I'm going to take a moment to ask you to, please, not try to minimize this event by pointing out that he was adopted & that he had a better life with us than he would have other wise. HE'S MY SON. The End.}
Before today, you knew the basics about my lil' fam: 
I am married to the man of my dreams. 
 I am the mother of 5 boys. 
We had our oldest 2 through fostercare adoption.
We had our youngest 3 biologically.
We like to celebrate.

That is all I let you see. 
Because, that is what I want to remember. 
I want to live joy, choose joy, remember joy.

But that is going to change.
We are now in the midst of a journey that will not be forgotten. 
A journey that demands to be noticed.

And joy is harder to find.
And hope is a constant choice.
{breathe in, breathe out}
So...
Why am I sharing our family secrets on the "big world wide web"?
Why am I telling you his story?
Because I know what it feels like to be alone.
Because I know I am not alone
Because while this is his story...it is my story too. 

So I'm gonna get back to blogging.
Pursuing Joy in our days and documenting it as much as I can.
And every once in a while I'm gonna go here. 
I'm gonna let you see inside the not so pretty parts of these days...because even in these dark spaces, hope can be found...and  how can I not share that with you?
I will NEVER give up Hope.
Never Ever.

"For we have this HOPE as an anchor for the soul...FIRM & SECURE..."
Hebrews 16:9


**I took the above photo's of our son & his room the day before his latest episode...the day before he was admitted to the inpatient program...I am not sure why I wandered up there for the little photo shoot...but I'm glad I did...I want to remember the little boy in the middle of all of this...because at the end of the day he is just a little boy...a little boy with a broken heart...and I want you to remember that too.**

14 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. You, your family, are in my thoughts. Thank you for being so brave and sharing. - Katie
    (Blog illiterate who didn't know how to fix typo in original post)

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  3. Thinking and praying for all of you!!! I can only imagine how hard this is...I'm glad you shared so we can lift you all up!!!
    Brookeđź’—

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  4. Best of luck to you all. Through reading your blog, it seems that you have such a wonderful, positive attitude, and I think that's one of the key things to have to get through the tough times like this.

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  5. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul - hugs, prayers, and positive/healing thoughts ♥

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  6. Prayers for strength. I am sure you miss him so much. Internet hug.

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  7. I can't even pretend to have words. I will pray as often as I think of you. love you.

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  8. "I will never give up hope. Never ever." That is why you are an awesome mom and person. Prayers for your broken heart. Prayers for your son. Prayers for healing and peace for everyone in your beautiful family. Prayers for being brave, for doing what you have to do, even when it sucks. Love always wins. Always. Just keep breathing...

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  9. lifting you up in prayer. If I could I would give you a hug. Thanks for being real & honest. You'll a great example of what to want be like.

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  10. Sweet, precious baby lamb of yours. Sometimes, we have to go towards a reality we hoped we wouldn't. But, at this time, what needs to be, needs to be. Oh, so difficult to be in those moments, that seem to stretch and distort time, and your heart along with it. My partner, the father of my youngest child, has a mental illness. We don't live together, but we are 'us', he's an important part of my family of 7, and we value and love him for who he is. Not the first thing you might expect, when you meet me and imagine my family, but it is, and has to be, this way. And for us, it will probably be forever. But, and this is key - the future hasn't been written yet. Let it write itself, in love, all over your family. Loving someone for who they are and where they're at on their journey, is one of the hardest, and one of the truest, things we ever get to learn in this life. My thoughts are with you in this chapter of your family's life. x Di.

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  11. you and he and all your family will be in my prayers. He is a gift; I hope he is able to deal with the problems and continue in your family. I hope the professionals helping him are able to make a difference. I hope you are able to cope with this separation and that your family continues to grow and heal. We know that you love him, and all the boys, to the moon and back.

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  12. Hi Tracey,
    My mom told me you what was going on so I had to pop over to read your story. I am so so sorry. This brings tears to my eyes and many hard memories rolling back, of holding on to hope even though it felt as if the smallest thread. I can offer no words that will help, but do know that you will be fervently in my prayers and there are untold number of others of us who have walked this path. You are not alone.

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  13. Big hugs from another mom who has loved children with broken hearts.

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  14. Tracey, my heart is with your family. I am a faithful follower of your instagram and blog. My oldest, due to mental illness, has been admitted a couple of times to inpatient and outpatient behavioral health programs. While we didn't have these experiences until she was in her early teens, the symptoms were there from birth. If I knew then what we know now we would have sought help much earlier. She is now 26. I offer myself to you as an older mom who has gone before you in this journey. The first thing I offer is this. Congratulations for talking about it. I never hid the struggle as I had seen many others do. I believe deep down that keeping out in the open and allowing others in is a crucial part of traveling this road. If you want to get in touch, Mekimmielee on instagram, I am on FB you can private message me. Kim

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Thank you for the note!