Thursday, May 1, 2014

living joy...


So...for a little while it's gonna be pretty impossible to blog without mentioning "Thing 1".

I can't take a picture without realizing he isn't in it. 
{every single time}
They can't go on an egg hunt without realizing he's not there hunting with them. 
We can't enjoy family time together without noticing {and someone mentioning} that all of our family isn't actually here.

Sigh...

Our Easter was lovely...we had a wonderful time.
It was quiet and relaxing and filled with fun.
But each and every one of us...thought about him...and we felt a little bit guilty. 

We aren't supposed to be apart. 
But we are.
Little brothers aren't supposed to be the protectors of the big brother.
But they are.
And no one is supposed to feel guilty for having an easy quiet day.
But we do. 

Life here is: Easier. Quieter. Peaceful.
We all know why.
And...
We all feel bad for enjoying it.
Because {it feels like} enjoying it means we are happy he is not here.
And...
That is not true.
We are not happy that he is not here.
We are sad.

Sigh..

How long will we live this way? How long will his absence be the immediate thought to follow a happy moment? Can this really get easier? Will we always feel some level of guilt for having good times without him? And if it does get easier will we feel bad about that too? Will this ever really be "normal"? Do I want this to be "normal"? Shouldn't I be sad forever? 

Sigh...

"May the God of hope fill you all with joy and peace in believing, 
so that by the power of the Holy Spirit
you may abound in HOPE."
Romans 15:11

And here I rest. 

Live joy.
Seek Peace.
Hold Hope.
Choose Trust. 

6 comments:

  1. Praying for peace and comfort that only our Lord can give. Your sister in Christ~~angela

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  2. I say just feel what you feel and lose the guilt. You can feel happy it is easier and sad that he is not there, all at the same time. Your feelings don't have to make sense :-) That's the great thing about feelings. But I say lose the guilt about how you feel because that is not from God. Pray for hope. Pray for peace. Time heals. It doesn't heal everything, but it helps a whole lot. I will pray that you are all gentle on yourselves and you live and time slowly passes.

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  3. What else do we have than this HOPE? You are loved....

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  4. "For such a times as this".....There was a "Season", when I sang solos with JOY, to glorify God... And then it ended.......A time, when Oil painting, gave a sense of PEACE and satisfaction.....And then it ended.....All this to say,....There is a "Time and a Season" for His children.......A time to embrace and a time to let go of the past.. And to look with HOPE to the future...Always, remembering the "Good times".....Praying you will lay what guilty feelings, you may have, at the cross....God, is our Great Physician....Love and Prayers......

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  5. you won't forget, but you need to make good memories with the other four as well. keeping you in my prayers.

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  6. Think of it as time to grow, for all of you. Let yourselves all settle, even though you are apart. You know when you have a plant that needs a little bit of extra attention, needs shifting to a spot where it's more sheltered from the wind, and gets just the right amount of sun, especially for it? That's where your oldest boy is now, getting the shelter, and the sun. It's a hard move to make, there's no doubt of that; it hurts. You don't dishonour him or yourselves, by being in the sun, and continuing to love and grow. That's where the hope lies, after all, in growth, faith and love.

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Thank you for the note!