Wednesday, March 25, 2015

1/2 day adventures and clarifications

 Last week these guys hit the 1/2 day jackpot.
{which you saw if you follow along on Instagram}
Plus, it was fab weather. So we took full advantage and went on a couple adventures.

On this particular day we traipsed through Longwood Gardens: hiding from the dragon who had escaped from the tower // creating imaginary mazes where we were "lost for days" // looking for four leaf clovers // searching for the lonely leprechaun who missed the rainbow // bubble blowing // follow the leader // follow the baby // and who can make the best gargoyle face.

I wish I could rewind and do it all again this week.
But alas real life calls.
Sometimes real life stinks. 

Which leads me to a topic change.
I wonder if...
You are starting to wonder about the realness of these posts?
Are you wondering how can one post be so incredibly sad and then another so amazingly happy?
I'm guessing you are.
Because how could you not?

The answer is simple really:
Our life is both incredibly sad AND incredibly happy all at once.
Both happiness and sadness are all mixed up in this insanely beautifully tragic way. 

Our oldest son, their biggest brother…does not live with us anymore.
I miss him. 
I love him. 
I hate that he's not here.
I hate that this happened.
I feel robbed.
I don't think it's fair.
He was dealt a crappy hand and it sucks.
And I am not "over" it.
I will be dealing with and processing for the remainder of my days.
No matter what level of acceptance or healing takes place…it will never change that this reality is sad. 


I am more than the loss of a son.
I have a family.
I have 4 more boys.
4 boys that are home, that also need me, that I also love, that deserve joy, that deserve fun, that deserve happy, that deserve to know it's ok to be happy despite there also being sad.
I have love.
I am loved.
I have joy.
I have 1/2 days filled with sunshine and adventures.
And I am going to seize these days and enjoy them to the fullest.
Because I am blessed beyond measure.
I have no regrets.
No regrets.

So…it's gonna happen. 
I'm going to share some really hard stuff once in a while.
Because really hard stuff is part of our story.
But we are so much more than that.
We are beautiful.

I love us. So much.

ps-there is a whole faith side to this journey too, that I haven't shared in a while because really I'd been struggling there {you would too, trust me.} But we'll save that for another day. XOXO!

1 comment:

  1. I would love to hear about the faith side when you are ready. I struggle too.


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